As a life coach and equine facilitator, I must listen with my full attention to be able to pick up on what is not voiced out loud. My younger self I was very busy with my growing family and the many projects I took on. So, I did not apply these skills very well, I was literally racing through life and had no time to take a pause, or so it seemed. Countless times my children heard me say ‘’Give me a second, then we’ll talk’’. I would hear what others were saying but I was not listening with my whole body. I’m grateful those days are over. I came to realize nothing is more important than giving my undivided attention to the people I love, and to those who are sharing their thoughts, dreams or daily events with me, they deserve it.
I became disciplined with this form of communication mainly when the horses in my world demonstrated that I needed to further my knowledge and skills if I was ever going to have a trusting relationship with them. Horses teach us to be better listeners as they are the essence of non-verbal cues.
Everyone can learn the art of effective listening. It is allowing the other person to be completely vulnerable without any form of judgment and focusing on the actual words that are being expressed while giving space with an open heart. Remember, you can always agree to disagree, because we are all entitled to our own opinions; however, if you don’t understand, ask for clarification instead of assuming and remain in a non-argumentative position.
By taking the time to pause and be fully present, we are gifted with memorable conversations and deepened relationships.
Here are some key elements for effective listening:
- Clear the thoughts from your mind
- Keep eye contact and be transparent
- Be aware of emotions that may arise
- Ask questions instead of giving advice
- Don’t interrupt or correct the speaker