Darkness is experienced in life’s journey so we may see the light more brightly when it eventually starts shimmering into our souls. Once illuminated, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we can never go back to the ‘’before’’. I was recently challenged when I fell out of alignment with my true self, what I mean by that is that I was not listening to my gut feeling or seeing the smoke signals that the universe was sending to let me know I was entering a dangerous territory. Therefore, a black wolf came running full force to play with my beliefs.
When I speak of the black wolf, a metaphor for a narcissist who delves in the realms of evil, it has nothing to do with the beautiful wild creature that roams the forests. Had I been truly in sync with my inner self, I would have been able to pull away quite swiftly by picking up on the intentions of this miserable, dark soul. She entered my life, although very briefly, disguised as an angel, but I was soon to discover that she had more in common with evil and its deceptive traps, than any other person I had ever encountered.
Her narcissistic personality took pleasure in playing with people’s minds in a very sad and twisted way. She sought to destroy any person that she felt could take away her superiority for this is how narcissists mask their feelings of inadequacy and wounded self-image. Although, there were times when I felt I needed to distance myself, I tried to remain positive. However, Spirit was telling me otherwise and, of course, the moment of betrayal followed. I found myself in a vulnerable place, upset for not being wise enough to see through her deceitful ways. What was this event supposed to teach me? Why wasn’t God looking out for me? The answers slowly revealed themselves as I commenced the journey of being still with my soul.
I began a daily meditation practice, reconnected with the splendors of nature, and dived deeply within my core. And, I prayed fervently. You see, with prayer and meditation the soul develops more awareness. I truly believe we gain an invisible shield to protect us from the evil that is lurking in dark corners ready to pounce in our moments of blindness. I spent days sitting in a field in the presence of my horses contemplating the beauty of their pure souls as well as their own connection to Source.
These magnificent creatures, so powerful and yet so gentle, helped me to let go of suffering and doubt brought on by the black wolf. The amazing thing about horses is that they mirror the condition of our soul with such depth that there is nowhere to hide. The truth always rises no matter how long it may take; we must not run away but let this force transcend us. I became very aware to never ignore the signs. I also realized that through my need to please I was taken advantage of. Like most narcissists, she wanted control and when she felt she was losing at her game she became much like the snake that ate its own tail. I specifically remember one afternoon sitting in a field with horses peacefully grazing when I decided I had to release the darkness that was cast upon me, the anger and the hurt; in that precise moment these magnificent creatures suddenly bolted with such force it felt as if Satan himself had made an appearance.
They ran as if to tell me that the black wolf was powerless and gone forever into the depths of the night. They were right. It was clear that this person could no longer affect me. This is when I knew God was protecting me. I discovered a stronger woman within, one with courage, resilience and empathy.
I can say with all certainty, that when the Divine is present, we become much more aware. We learn to identify those who are out to play games, trying to poison our soul, before they have the chance to bite with their venom. I eventually felt sorry for that woman, she needed help and my only hope is that she seeks treatement someday for her sake and for those who cross her path. This was a harsh life lesson but, I am now aware of the signs and no one could cross the boundaries ever again.